So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
