May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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