I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
