New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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