Are we in a gay sports bar?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
