I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
