Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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