Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So vagazzling was a success
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
