I'm really into asian looking animals
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
