this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
COCAINE IS GR8
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
