i just google imaged poop.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
