Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
