My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
