omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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