The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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