uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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