K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
