god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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