Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
