you traded sex for a burrito?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
