I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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