He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
