I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
