"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The maid of honor just puked.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
