Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
