no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
