sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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