i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
