you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
