i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
