still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
