Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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