I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
