im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
