We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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