Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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