His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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