I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
