UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
