Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
