dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
