Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
