I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
