I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I enjoy the company of your penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
