NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
