In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
