You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
