I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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