wake up i wanna do it froggy style
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
