hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
